By: Bob Brichmann
Everyone knows it’s her day. Mom and dad may be paying for it, but it’s her day. You and your groom may be the perfect pair, soul mates and such…but is it really only her day?
I say, “Men, it’s your day, too!” Getting the groom involved in different aspects of the wedding in the beginning planning stages helps create entitlement, responsibility and a sense of pride in making good decisions that ultimately will help create a smooth running, successful event. “I enjoy getting the groom into the wedding process through music. Once he realizes his tastes are important and can be included, he gets more relaxed, begins to smile more and he really starts to take more of an interest in the reception,” states Merrylin Brichmann, Disc Jockey and Emcee from Artistic Productions.
Many men are just not going to get involved with décor decisions including linen options, floral concepts and chair choices. They will, however, want to please that special lady they are marrying, by assuming a fair share of the workload.
Many will offer to help with some aspects they personally find more interesting or that might appeal to their immediate family or friends. Music definitely fits this bill as they’ll really want to see their parents or college buddies have a good time and dance. “This is one area he can contribute to and know that it will have a positive effect on his day! People always remember the party and especially seeing the groom on the dance floor,” advises Brichmann.
The food choices and the quality might be a little more important to some guys. What guy doesn’t like good food? The availability of certain liquors or beers is probably going to keep him relaxed on several levels, but especially if he knows his friends’ tastes are being satisfied.
The West Coast has an inherent casualness about it when it comes to guys dressing up. Some of that has to do with the climate, but much of it is because men are traditionally not into fashion.
“Many grooms want to start the wedding relationship off on the right foot. They want to make her happy and set the right mark of understanding early on. Many are getting more involved in choosing their wedding day wardrobe,” explains Jerry Klein, owner of A Better Deal Designer Tuxedos and Men’s Suits.
Klein’s operation offers a warehouse, showroom and tailor on site. Grooms can enter and see, feel, touch and try on any and everything.
“Once he sees in the mirror how good he looks, then we have a different type of groom on our hands. It’s a really positive experience. He’s hooked. He’s drawn in,” adds Klein.
As the march toward the big wedding day continues, the photographer can really impact how the groom’s demeanor and excitement level can change. Arguably, as many photographers will attest to, one of the biggest icebreakers for not only getting to know the couple but in getting the groom both relaxed and into the wedding is the engagement shoot.
It’s a nice piece of art for the reception and the future home. It’s also a tool for both the couple to get to know the photographer and vice versa.
“If the bride is the leading lady, then the groom is the leading man. It’s my job to help him create a sense of esteem in front of the camera. Once he sees how cool he looks from the shots I took, then we’re pals. On the wedding day, he enjoys himself more,” shares Adrian Gaynor from Affordable Photography and Video Services. In other words, when the groom gets enthusiastic about things, the results are going to be better. This applies to pictures and everything else surrounding the wedding day.
“The initial consult and the engagement session are a definite opportunity to connect with the couple and especially the groom. If I can get him to let his guard down, then it’s real. If they truly love each other, it shows in the photos,” offers Garrett Delph from Garrett Photography.
Let your husband-to-be keep his wedding aloofness to a certain degree, but suggest to him that these photos will capture his day too. They’ll capture the memories for both of you, both sets of parents, your children and grandchildren. Give him some room, but give him the chance to recognize what this is all about.
Not all grooms are “just along for her day.” In this day and age, given the economy and the number of couples paying for portions (if not all) of the wedding expense, many brides and grooms are taking the overall planning very seriously, especially when it comes to the budget.
Many grooms are very much in the mix of the decision making process financially. Perhaps the groom is the voice of reason when the bride would love to go to Tahiti, but the finances suggest Tahoe. Remember, you can always save for Tahiti for that five-year anniversary.
All men have a sweet tooth. Use it to your advantage when cake shopping. Taste testing cakes and desserts can seriously get the groom involved. Along with giving him a sugar high, he’ll actually have fun with it. After all, it’s his cake to enjoy too.
The groom may be very nervous about the first dance. 150 sets of eyes are dialed in on him and he’s not Fred Astaire. That’s what choreographing the first dance is all about. It puts the couple at ease. It gets the groom looking forward to the first dance and party without stressing a singular three to four minute tradition. He wants to sparkle on the dance floor as well.
You might even try practicing one of those “You Tube” dance routines. Customize a special dance whereby you start slow and kick into an upbeat song (or several mixed together) to offer up a show for your guests and video. Watch your new husband get into it when the crowd is hooting and hollering. When all is said and done, yes, it’s the bride’s day. Realistically, though, and to be fair, it belongs to other family members, too. The groom deserves a fair share of attention on the big stage for the day.
“From a married guy’s perspective, it’s a privilege and responsibility as a man and a husband to love your wife. At the end of the day, no amount of money, time or energy can substitute for your love and commitment. Love your wife,” says Delph. It takes two to tango in a wedding. In order for the bride to shine, the groom has to participate. That’s also why…gentlemen, it’s your day too!